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Music in Darkness

by Owen McAulay

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1.
Instrumental
2.
the two boys hud ees bag n' threw it tae each other he wis in the middle, greetin fur ees mother they wur huvin a good time, sumthin tae dae fur a while he wis known fur bein simple, he wis boatum ay the pile ah said 'haw leave um alane, stoap it n let um go' they stoaped whit they wur daen, but no tae say hello the bigger wan droaped the bag n said 'how, whit ur you gonny dae?' that shut doon the talkin, thur wis nuthin left tae say ay took a swing fur me, ah stepped back n ah grabbed ees haun ah grabbed a haud ay um n got um doon oan the grun ah managed tae get oan top ay um, held ees wrists n ah kept um doon ah waited tae ay stoaped strugglin, said 'right c'moan noo, that's it done' ay jist looked up at me n never said a wurd so ah let ees wrists go n started tae get up ay jumped up n caught me oan the nose, ah fell back n ay punched again then he wis the wan oan toap ay me, n ay punched n punched again ay got up n ay went up tae ees pal, n as ay walked away 'aye that's it finished noo awright' tae ees pal ah heard um say ah found ma specs n a put thum oan, ma nose bleedin n ma eye wis sore ah wis tuckin in ma shirt n ah saw ma jumper wis tore he wis staunin there haudin ees bag, greetin tears ah salt ay stammered oot 'ahm sorry', ah said 'it's awright it's no your fault' as ah walked um up the road ah wis thinkin tae masel ah never wis a fighter, ah canny go in fur the kill ah never wis a fighter, couldnae go in fur the kill ah'm glad ah'm no a fighter, don't wantae go in fur the kill
3.
the lion turned up tonight and had me for his dinner I thought I'd let competition go but tonight I'm not a winner I let him in so easily he didn't even have to roar and I knew that he was hungry when I opened up the door I was easy meat, easy meat I was easy meat I was easy meat, easy meat I was easy meat he'd been circling around me these past few days and he knows just when to strike we know each other's ways his eyes they look so friendly make me feel safe and warm but his teeth they are sharp and his claws are long i'm easy meat, incomplete I'm easy meat I'm easy meat, slow on my feet I'm easy meat and now the thought to build a wall or make a stronger door and never feel this feeling again of being back where I was before but a wall won't do the job here but no need to look so grim just sit down at the table everyday and have a little nibble at him he's not easy meat, but don't compete he's not easy meat he's not easy meet, just take a seat and don't compete
4.
Measure Up 04:27
you say the most important thing is to say that you believe or you are lost you're gone, gone, gone but what if the secret is just learning to receive? and no one lost no one gone you say lace up your boots there's climbing to be done from down here to up there, there, there but what if going down takes us all the way back home? there's no up there no up there I've been waiting so long for you to hear my voice it's been so hard for you to hear me through all the noise you have to keep the rules make sure you measure up or the door will be closed, closed, closed but there isn't any door no need to measure up it's all wide open there's no outside anymore you worry so much about everything stop and look at this one little bird and hear him sing
5.
I remember when you lived in Lanark we walked down to the falls of clyde under the trees looking at the river walking side by side walking side by side you spoke about being a young boy being brought up by your gran and asking that boy in the primary school 'whit's it like tae huv yir da n yir mam?' whit's it like tae huv yir da n yir mam? when i met you you were running wild just been brought into care 14 years old out in the street you said 'ah'm no stayin there' 'naw ah'm no stayin there' I remember you I remember you a few of you had found each other now here was a place for you down at the bus station every night you said 'this is ma family noo' this is ma family noo drinking and taking stuff every night and soon during the day you said 'when ah wake up in the morn ah jist wantae feel okay' ah jist wantae feel okay you were moved to a lot of places but you just kept running away and 'nowhere kin stoap me gettin back tae ma pals' you would always say you would proudly say I remember you yes I remember you sometimes you blamed your mum and sometimes you hated your dad but then you'd defend them against the world don't let anybody judge thum bad ‘naw don't you judge thum bad' when no one had seen you for a few days the police forced open the door they found you lying in the bed upstairs they won't be chasing you anymore they won't be chasing you anymore all the boys filed in and took a seat the girls were crying hard when I left I saw him light his cigarette I offered him my hand he took my hand I remember you I remember you
6.
35 years this house Where two little girls became women And old books and toys and video tapes Still hide in cupboards Holding close their own memories The bedrooms our daughters called their own And thought their secret thoughts And wondered What will the future be like The comfy bed That was his mother's That our grandson now loves so much And now our new grandson One year old in one week's time Seems to like this house too As we open the door And he holds out his arms to come in
7.
Break open my heart As the curtain torn in two Break open my heart To be flooded by you Break open my heart As the curtain torn in two Break open my heart To be filled and overflow
8.
Thinking of the pond in Queens Park, in the summer there's no ice People gliding in my mind, thinking that would be so nice Holding hands and laughing, losing balance falling Down, down, down Losing balance and laughing, balance lost, falling Down down down See the 60year old fool, he still wants to be in love To feel those dizzy feelings and the pulsing of the blood The pulsing in the blood I let you take me by the hand, lead me out onto the floor To find a little space and move into the more To dance and spin around and gaze upon your face To gently touch your hand and be here in this place See the 60 year old fool who still wants to be in love To feel those dizzy feelings and the pulsing of the blood The pulsing in the blood
9.
Now it's been said What's the meaning of the words? The taken step The footprint in the mud Lift the pencil up And hold it in your hand And sitting there When maybe you should stand Holding on and letting go Open the door And step out on the street No hiding now Behind the wayward tongue and feet And later on You wonder what you'll find And will you want What the future leaves behind Holding on and letting go
10.
The car broke down Who knows how these engines work It's heavy and still Who knows what makes them go And we gather by the side of the road All the traffic continues on it's way In the absence we hold each other close Maybe walk to those woods over there Still the morning and still the day, and the sun Still the sky and still the night, and the stars Your face was very still Your mouth now no words Your face was very, very still And shining and beautiful And so we hold each other close Your absence binds us closer still Still the idea you might walk into the room The yearning for your voice your smile Still the clouds and still the wind, and the rain Still the night and still the stars, and the moon
11.
You stoked the fire and sat back Asking questions all the while Then we recognise the wind up When we see that little smile You may still have some questions But all is well, all is well Wondering what's real In the seat where you sat Always asking the question Is the any proof for that? You may still have some questions But all is well, all is well So go ahead ask those questions For all is well, all is well
12.
Can you hear the wheels singing? I mostly hear your heart And this is no ordinary train We are flying

about

These songs were in the main written and recorded over the last three or four years (2019 to 2023). They were all recorded at home, and my hope is that, despite any lack of technical ability and skill in the recording process, something of the intention, care, and 'feel' with which they were written, played, and sang, will be communicated.

All music and lyrics are by Owen, except for the lyrics of 'Music in Darkness'.
These are the lines of dialogue in the final scene of the 1948 film by
Ingmar Bergman. (screenplay by Bergman and Dagmar Edqvist).
'
Song for Eddie' was written for my youngest brother Eddie McAulay who died on 18th April 2021, ten after days his 57th birthday. Eddie loved music, andhad a particular feel for reggae. This is not a reggae song, but has something of that kind of feel, and I think he would like it.
I'll let the rest of the songs speak for themselves.

Grateful and heartfelt thanks to:
Teresa, our daughters Sarah and Anna, and our grandsons William, Owen and Connell.
My brothers Pat, John, Robert and my sister Catherine.
Ian, Alison and all my family and Teresa's family.
Michael Feeney, my long time friend and Smackvan partner, with whom
I have had the privilege of writing some of the most beautiful songs
I have ever heard.
Gerry Elliot, Smackvan drummer, guitarist and songwriting contributor.
Alan Parker and Gerry Tonner, Passkeepers and Smackvan original members,and who inspired and encouraged me more than they know.
Chic Bowie, Jer Reid, Calum Maclean, Richie Dempsey, StuartMcHugh,
Sam Saunders, John Cavanagh, Sandy Semeonoff, Peter Easton,
Craig Tannock, Shaun Conroy, Alan Smith, Laurence Lean, Kenny Lean.
And Cynthia Bourgeault.

credits

released September 25, 2023

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Owen McAulay Glasgow, UK

Owen McAulay is a long time member of Glasgow band Smackvan (previously Passkeepers). He has been writing and recording solo songs and music for some years, his first album being 'six songs' in 2000.

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